more than one voice

Sunday, July 31, 2011

i have a therapist

she used to hold onto stuff - then slowly wrote it all away

A long time ago I discovered what I like to call my personal therapist. This portable therapist is on call 24/7; especially late at night.  I began visiting my therapist as a teenager, with all those mixed up crazy emotions and feelings that a teenage girl has.  I found that writing it all down was comforting, soothing to my soul. I could work things out, chew them over and go back and discover new insights into what I earlier thought were insurmountable problems.

My journals have never been pretty books with soft unlined paper. I prefer those ugly hard covered school notebooks, big ones, small ones, all sizes.  I have a large notebook for my bedside journal, a medium sized notebook for jotting down ideas, a note book at work for when I’m bored and then I have a small notebook in my handbag.

Like a night light for a small child knowing that my journal is next to my bed ready and waiting is comforting and gives my a sense of security. I think I will always be in ‘therapy’, learning, discovering, sitting with discomfort, pondering life’s mysteries, and writing about dreams. It just makes for good mental health and it’s a lot cheaper than a real therapist!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

brrr it's cold here

I just had to share some winter pics - these pictures were taken by the lady who works in our Eastern Cape office.  Lucky we aren't this cold in Pietermaritzburg but it is pretty miserable and we don't have heating!

Sunday, July 24, 2011

the red book

mmm - i sometimes see stuff in dreams that i see in waking times too......

Now and then when I remember, I sit down quietly and close my eyes, breathe deeply and for a few moments sink into silence.  Sometimes when I am in this silent place I go on little adventures, I call them ‘awake’ dreams.  This is the story of one dream.

I am standing in a very ancient room, it has no walls, it appears to go on forever in all directions and is filled with millions and millions of books. Every book is filled with knowledge, with wisdom and truths that have been discovered throughout the ages. Slowly all the books begin to disappear and fade away, the old yellow pages crumb into dust. Finally, there is one small book left, it’s bound in a soft red cover. I move towards this book, a wise being joins me and says this book contains all the wisdom of the universe.  I careful open it and I’m surprised to see that it contains only one page, on that page is written one word.  LOVE

John Perkins in his book Psychonavigations describes this technique of 'awake dreams' or 'dream wandering' A practice used by tribal cultures and shamans to access their own inner guidance.  Using this technique you go on journeys that help you to find direction in life and to explore new ideas, it can be a wonderful way of accessing new creative ideas as well.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


I'm not weird - just creative

In classical logic a contradiction consists of a logical incompatibility between two or more propositions.  Never having managed to get my head around logic, I understand contradictions more as those strange and weird things my mind seems to do on a daily basis.

Contradictions amuse me, especially those I observe in my own life.  As I get older I’m less precious about my own inconsistencies and find I can laugh at myself with a lot more easy.  Thank goodness for that.

she sighed - and asked me what do you feed unicorns?

I find life is peculiar, strange and sometimes even bizarre.  It’s filled with strange thoughts, whims, ideas and dreams.  What keeps me amused one day terrifies me the next.

I’m enthusiastic to try out something on Wednesday and bored of it by Friday.  I change my mind on a whim, make decisions I don’t understand – life with regret and fear.  I marvel at my wisdom, my insights, can’t believe how profound I can be at times.  The next day I wonder how I could be so dumb, how I could miss out on yet another opportunity.  I get stuck in rigid thought and bad habits.  Then like magic I throw caution to the wind and do something totally crazy. Perhaps it’s the creative mind or not?

I really hope I’m not the only strange and weird creature out there that lives with these contradictions.  

Boy I hope my man never reads this post!

we have a new baby - Abby adopted on the 18/07/2011
my sweet katie loves animals - she often has dreams of unicorns

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

being with family

she understood that sometimes no words were needed

I recently read these words – ‘the soul prospers in an environment that is concrete, particular, and vernacular.  It feeds on the details of life, on its variety, its quirks, and its idiosyncrasies. Therefore, nothing is more suitable for care of the soul than family, because the experience of family includes so much of the particulars of life.’ (Care of the Soul – Thomas Moore).

Families can be places of battle, places where we wrestle with self and issues that sometimes never seem to be resolved, but families can be places of nurture, nourishment for the soul, a place where we can find rest.  This is how we experienced our recent trip to the beach.  We did nothing special, we sat with each other, drifting from one member to the next, not saying much, but enjoying the presence of each other. We had no agenda, no expectations; we woke each morning and just began the day, with long moments of silence and togetherness. 

Somehow, without knowing it we managed for a week, to life in the moment, we managed to just be with what was without the need for anything more.  There was a deep sense of connection, without words, without deep meaningful conversation, just a simple being. We left the beach behind knowing that our souls had been cared for.

Jess - with her Milo and breakfast
Katie and her school friend - whose family were camping
our chief dish washer and cook - aka Dad

we took an upstairs chalet

look how close we were to the sea!

once a year there is a 'sardine run' on the south coast - the sardines swim close to the beach and can be caught in nets from the shore.  it's not something that you often see - but this year we were there to see the catch.  it was very interesting - the colours 'caught' my attention.

i love these colours

holding the nets with sardines

sardine fever

Sunday, July 3, 2011

a winter week at the beach

i don't seem to mind weekends and holidays nearly as much as the other days, she said with a wistful look –

We're off to the beach tomorrow.  I love going to the beach in winter, summer beach visits always remind me of sun burn and sticky sun lotion, headaches from too much sun and tired worn out people at the end of the day. Winter visits are filled with long beach walks, fires at night and sitting on the sand wrapped in beach towels.
yes - she is wearing a thimble 'cos the needles were hurting her fingers.

I've packed all the essentials, a sketch pad, a box of drawing instruments, some art books - my new one i received the other day 'Unfurling' - stunning.  My girls will pack their art / creating stuff - Kate is knitting a scarf at the moment and Jess is buying a camera tomorrow from hard earned waitressing money - so it looks like we are all set.  Just hope husband can get the car fixed tomorrow before we leave or else we all pile into the 1985 Toyota for the trip!

essential beach supplies