more than one voice

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

mistakes

25 November 2011



When I was younger I could be very temperamental about making mistakes.  I hated making mistakes, especially at work.  If I screwed up it would gnaw away at me, I would replay the mistake over and over again, chastising myself for being so stupid and it would spiral down into a depression of sorts.

What art has taught me, is that it is okay to make mistakes that you can approach a blank canvas and begin something and if it doesn’t work out you can start again. Art has taught me that it is okay to be vulnerable, that it is fine if you don’t get it right the first time. I have also learnt that it is through making mistakes that you improve, you learn, you retry and you eventually get it right.  Sometimes the end result is completely different from the initial intended idea, but that’s okay. In art there really are no mistakes, just learning opportunities.

I still don’t like to make mistakes, who does, but I have learnt that mistakes are part of life, you can’t help but make them.  I understand now that when I make a mistake it is not who I am, one mistake does not define me.  I think that art has helped me to understand life better – to see life through art tinted glasses, it has helped me to be kinder to myself, and to be more accepting.  

impatient


pictures and magnets - using my art -
this has been such fun
getting ready for our new project

Life feels frantic, rushed - there's too much to do - not enough time.  I feel myself getting impatient.  I dread the drive to work each morning, sitting in long lines of traffic with other impatient drivers.


My office chair feels like a dentists chair - sitting behind a computer all day is like getting root canal treatment. 


But then at the end of the day I enter my studio and all the frustrations melt away.  I become focused, centered, I begin my practice - my practice of creating.  It is where I begin to feel my soul again, where my soul can peak through the heavy fabric of everyday life and whisper to me, gentle messages of hope,of  kindness and most of all - purpose.


she felt tired, but was determined to push through to make her dreams come true




Monday, November 14, 2011

being brave

15/11/2011




Today my first born Jess, is 20. This year has been a difficult one for Jess. She has been faced with lots of challenges, yet she has preserved and become stronger despite them all.  She has been brave and learnt to sit with those things that are uncomfortable.  It has not been easy to see her battle, to see her being hurt and the urge to jump in and save her has at times been over whelming.  We have tired to be gentle with her, to offer her comfort by listening to her and trying to understand where she is at. 

She has been courageous enough to use the hurt and pain that she has experienced to dive down into those places that even as an adult (I guess she is an adult now) we find difficult to go.  I am amazed at the insights she has gained, she has done some hard work this year.  She has learnt to sit with the uncomfortable, to look at her shadow and not be afraid.  My girl is strong,resolute and full of courage. You go girl - you are amazing!

Happy 20th birthday - Jess! 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

missing out





I was having a conversation with a special friend the other day, discussing all our dreams and things we would love to do.  We asked ourselves the big question, what keeps us from achieving our dreams?

I was thinking about our conversation later that day and I released that it was fear, no big ah ha moment there.  But what the big wow turned out to be – was when I identified that part of my fear included - fear of missing out.

What I mean by this is that I’m often so busy searching for the right dream.  I’m scared that if I settle for just one dream that I might miss out on a better dream. I become frantic; I switch and change my mind, shift gears, begin things and don’t finish them, one big dream after another. The problem is that I’m so focused on not missing out that I actual don’t ever really just do, I don’t fully engage with any one thing.  It's not surprising that I don’t ever achieve my dreams and goals, because I have so many and I change them all the time, in my manic attempt not to miss out on anything.


I guess I need to start by appreciating all the good stuff I have, to live more in the present and stop jumping into hundreds of alternative realities. I need to make a reasonable list of goals and dreams, and start sticking to things, get a bit of glue on my soul.

I’m just really relieved that I didn’t carry this particular fear into my marriage!

Col - busy working on fittings for the shop


it's been extremely hot today - so I thought I would send all my friends in the northern hempishere some summer flowers

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I did it!

perhaps my imagination will help me to become brave, she thought - (it had always helped her in the past)


I finally did it – I started art classes!  For a long time I’ve wanted to explore more formal training, learn how to draw, learn the ‘correct’ way to do things but to be honest I was scared.  There was always the chance that I really sucked at drawing and you know what they say about an old dog.

A few weeks ago I gathered all my courage and started art classes.  I’m really glad that I did - it’s pushing me to explore different techniques, to be brave, to not doubt myself quiet so much.  I’m still a bit nervous. I think I suffer from performance anxiety but I’m getting better each week.


still life - Zulu beer pot, pear and egg