more than one voice

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

the child in me

I've been doing quiet a bit of thinking about how to create a 'creative business', a business that is more than just my pictures but that emcompasses all my talents and experiences gathered over the years.  I've made a fairly good start this year, all the art products I've made have been selling like hot cakes. Boy, and do I get a kick out of selling my stuff.  It always makes me want to giggle when I sell one of my pictures, I have no idea why it's so funny, but there you are - as my kids say, 'mom you're weird'.

As a way to try and figure it all out, I've been doing a bit of journalling and have been suprised at what has surfaced.  I've been allowing the writing to take over, to tell the story and to allow the unconscious to speak.  What has been amazing in this process, is how different images have surfaced as I write. 

The other day I had this very distinct image of myself as a child.  I was excited about all the possiblities of things that I wanted to make. I can remember paging through a 1970s child's craft book and marking off all the projects I wanted to try.  I could feel the excitment as I was writing this all down, I could feel it in my body like it was yesterday. 

Then the feeling changed, suddenly all the excitement was replaced with a sense of guilt and shame.  I was puzzled by this change in emotion and pace, where did this come from.  I'm not sure I will ever get the answer, it could have been going to school and comparing myself to others, or it could have been an unkind word spoken by a teacher, I really don't know.  What I do know is that somewhere, somehow I believed that being creative wasn't the thing to do and I stuffed down the urge to be creative - I tried to snuff it out and spent many years angry with myself and the world. 

Many many years later, I sit here and have come full circle - I know that I have to create, that I am a creative being and that it is absolutely the right thing for me to do. Phew - what a relief.

From that child inside me I make this plea -

Please -  let us remember that when a child shows a creative spark that we must encourage it, never put it down or dismiss it, it could just be what saves that child